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My Disgusting Day

Posted by $ SarahMontalbano 9 years, 3 months ago to Ask the Gulch
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Yesterday, I saw an ex boyfriend reading a book titled The Age of Selfishness: Ayn Rand, Morality, and the 2008 Financial Crisis. He was talking about Rand's affair with Nathaniel Branden, and he was smearing her, badly. I overheard this, but I did not say anything. I did not stop him. I did not defend my hero from being smeared by a disgusting rat. The words that most closely resemble what was going through my head was: "I couldn't defend you from him." I'm not sure whether "you" meant Ayn Rand or myself. I was disgusted with the fact that a book as horrible as that exists, that purportedly intelligent people read it, and that I had been so horribly wrong in my selection of him as a former partner. My current partner was quick to blame this on the ex-boyfriend's relation to me, but my feelings of guilt would not be alleviated even if he were not an ex.

My questions for Gulcher's are these:
1. Was it right to stay silent in this circumstance?
2. Was this really a "betrayal", as my emotions felt like?
3. What is the best way to fight in situations like these, if at all?

Comments not directly related to my questions are welcome.

All Comments

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  • Posted by $ rockymountainpirate 9 years, 3 months ago
    A favorite quote of mine that is pasted on the wall in front of me at work:

    "To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead."
    Thomas Paine
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  • Posted by wiggys 9 years, 3 months ago
    sarah,
    your actions were proper. keep quiet and walk away. Even if he were just someone you knew vs an ex you would never be able to intelligently convince him of what he believed. the fact that he was reading that book should tell you that.
    I am not so sure about the current partner. He should have supported you, unquestionably in this situation.
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  • Posted by $ allosaur 9 years, 3 months ago
    I think you spared yourself from having an even more disgusting day.
    Old dino can recall engagements with libtards.
    You are called stupid and get glared and sneered at.
    Nothing is accomplished.
    Sometimes you get to hear a zinger, though~
    One libtard told me that I supported Herman Cain because I was a racist desperate to prove that I am not a racist.
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  • Posted by khalling 9 years, 3 months ago
    I would say you have no dog in the fight. You can't stick your neck in to another's conversations, unless you are part of it. If he is your ex, he is an ex for a reason-do not think of him.

    One can always process what they are overhearing and if they choose to-find other avenues to address the arguments they overheard without engaging the person who made the comments in the first place.
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  • Posted by $ SarahMontalbano 9 years, 3 months ago in reply to this comment.
    I'll have to work on some good insults for precisely these situations! I wish I could've laughed it off, but it stunned me that he would read claptrap like that.
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  • Posted by $ SarahMontalbano 9 years, 3 months ago in reply to this comment.
    This incident is just one of many reasons I'm glad he ended it. I knew that I had no control over what he said, but I knew the facts, and I thought I could tell him and persuade him. The fact that I didn't led to my disgust. My feelings were enhanced because it was a person who had been close to me; it is difficult to stay detached when I listen to idiotic words from a reputably intelligent person who I had cared about. But I'm glad I did the right thing.
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  • Posted by $ SarahMontalbano 9 years, 3 months ago in reply to this comment.
    Thank you; it would have been impossible to win any arguement with him. I'm going to remember this incident and recall it every time I start to believe he is a half-decent person.
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  • Posted by edweaver 9 years, 3 months ago
    Saying nothing is not betrayal. Agreeing with him to get along is and it sounds like that was not the case. As Rich pointed out, reason is not automatic and you likely would have waisted your time speaking to him.
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  • Posted by $ MichaelAarethun 9 years, 3 months ago
    Probably too easy to lose moral high ground. Should be able to come up with some proper rejoinders along the lines of Some are Selfish and some are egoists but put better. Leave them wondering 'was that an insult? Do I have to look in a dictionary? Please anything but that? How is egoist spelled?

    2. Emotions are a predictable response but you are looking at pears and apples and oranges. Subtract the negatives and that leaves the few positives. Then ask yourself how could I have ever wasted so much time? That's experience as you refine your list of attractions and learn to identify true attractions from those that are false.

    3. Or just walk off laughing.
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  • Posted by CircuitGuy 9 years, 3 months ago in reply to this comment.
    I love the Rand quote and your succinct two-sentence explanation of how it applies to this case.
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    Posted by richrobinson 9 years, 3 months ago
    Hi Sarah. This is one of my favorite Rand quotes.
    “Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it. Do not count on them. Leave them alone.”
    Since he is an ex I am guessing reason would have been wasted on him. I think you acted perfectly and you have more proof you are better off without him.
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  • Posted by CircuitGuy 9 years, 3 months ago
    I think the key word in this is ex. There are reasons people are ex partners, and this is one of them.
    "Was it right to stay silent in this circumstance?"
    Yes, IMHO. People will find the truth if they seek it.

    "Was this really a "betrayal", as my emotions felt like?"
    You mean because you couldn't stop your ex from saying something wrong and stupid or at least refute it? I think no way. Ex-partners being stupid is normal.

    "What is the best way to fight in situations like these, if at all? "
    I think it depends on what you're trying to accomplish.

    I'm saying b/c it's an ex be detached and ignore him, which is IMHO the right thing to but much much easier to say than to do.
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