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63 Years

Posted by Herb7734 6 years, 8 months ago to Culture
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Sixty-three years. Just think of it, many people don't even live that long.On August 14th, the BW and I will have been married for that length of time..You might ask, as many have, was it "happily ever after?"Of course not. No one gets through life unscathed. We've had our ups and downs on the roller coaster called life. We are often asked what the secret to a long marriage is.and we both respond, "Damned if I know."There is,however, one thing we know for sure, and that is, there has to be a very strong love, because that 's the only thing that keeps murder or suicide from happening. Also, love creates a degree of tolerance that would be otherwise impossible to sustain. I also keep certain writings, poems, mottos, and aphorisms close that I can fall back on when my glum meter swings to negative .Last, but in no way least, is a good sense of humor, because without it one would be doomed to hell on earth.There are positives. To face life's hardest times with a partner who is an intellectual equal.To know that regardless of any circumstance, there is a person to whom, no matter what, is on your side and can be rational when you are not and you's like to give in to your emotions and @#$%$#@!! that no-good *&^%$%^&!!! So..what's your story?I could be (and most likely is) very different from mine.Come on, it is life lesson time.


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  • Posted by 6 years, 8 months ago in reply to this comment.
    Rational attitudes, R.R. My wife and I held very different views at first, but while walking through life's insanity, she did a Red Rover and came over. She used to be quite naive. She still doesn't fully understand the meanings of the swear words she is using more and more frequently, of late.
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  • Posted by 6 years, 8 months ago in reply to this comment.
    Physical or mental? None of my business of course, but at my age I have advice for every circumstance. If I haven't experienced it, someone close to me likely has.The nice thing about this forum is that you need not answer anything you don't want to. I wish you well.
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  • Posted by $ jbrenner 6 years, 8 months ago
    Congratulations, Herb. You found a lady of value the first time around.
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  • Posted by $ Radio_Randy 6 years, 8 months ago in reply to this comment.
    Actually...we ARE the Jones's. I doubt, however, that the name had much to do with our nearly 40 years of successful marriage.

    To us, our relationship is very much like a business partnership. Since my wife is a Christian, she considers me the "senior partner", which saves us from getting stuck on certain decisions, as my vote is the tie-breaker (and we ALWAYS discuss major issues).

    I respect her place in our relationship. She is a conventional home-maker and I make it a point to recognize her contribution to our partnership on a regular basis. In today's mixed-up world, it's easy to lose site of these values.

    We don't steal from each other and we share a substantial amount of trust. Otherwise, how could people share a bed, if they didn't trust one another?

    There are other reasons for the longevity of our marriage, but these are the ones we usually bring up, when asked.
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  • Posted by $ LTUMFLEET 6 years, 8 months ago
    When Ruth and I were married 50 years ago, we were not sure what to expect. We, therefore made a pact that we would try it for 50 years and then decide if we wished to continue. This Oct is 50. I think we will continue.
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  • Posted by term2 6 years, 8 months ago in reply to this comment.
    given the number of liberals out there, I think there must be some competing rotting of the brains that kick in
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  • Posted by $ rainman0720 6 years, 8 months ago
    Congrats on reaching your 63rd anniversary. My parents made it to 60 before IPF took my dad. They were as much in love on the last day of his life as they were the first day of their life together. They exhibited many of the items you list above (tolerance, love, humor, etc.) since one never knows what one will need to get through a particular event or situation. My wife and I are at 26, and I think the only reason that we won't make it to our 63rd is that we won't be around that long. (OK, maybe I will live to the age of 98, but I have my doubts.)

    Again, congrats on staying together and happy for that much of your life. Stories like yours are rare, and special.
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  • Posted by $ Olduglycarl 6 years, 8 months ago
    I still can't fathom 26 years of the ball and chain, never mind enduring 63, ( I hate seat belts...just on general principle)...have no idea how it hasn't come to fist-a-cuffs in the boxing ring of life we call marriage.
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  • Posted by $ blarman 6 years, 8 months ago
    Congratulations. I hope I live to enjoy my marriage that long.
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  • Posted by $ Abaco 6 years, 8 months ago
    Congrats on that. Marriage ain't for the faint at heart. My wife and I are 15 years in. We've, like you, had some challenges - the worst being having a disabled child. That's a sure way to knock out the romance and the finance. And, as my old boxing coach said, "There'll be no romance without finance." haha...

    All the best to you and your honey...
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  • Posted by Dobrien 6 years, 8 months ago in reply to this comment.
    We both have a day we would do anything to change. Having survived the worst makes us a type of water brother my friend. Have a great day!
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  • Posted by 6 years, 8 months ago in reply to this comment.
    No kindle, but I'll look you up. Nowadays there is no such thing as anonymity.I have learned many life lessons from my sons. They are better than me in every way, except writing.
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  • Posted by 6 years, 8 months ago in reply to this comment.
    Thanks, Dan.
    Life has wound up being pretty good to me. I may be a physical wreck, but I'm walking the tightrope with a little help from my friends. The people who Really count are close and I have only had one event that I can never overcome, which still reminds me of the tragedy of ignorance.
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  • Posted by jimjamesjames 6 years, 8 months ago in reply to this comment.
    The most fascinating species at any age, IMHO

    I wrote a book for a 19 year old guy a few years ago to keep him from having to listen to me lecture. In his case, didn't do much good but, nevertheless, I still believe that it could give young men (and women) and idea of what life is going to cost them and how to keep the costs reasonable.
    https://www.amazon.com/How-Are-You-Go...

    If you have Kindle, I think you can read it for free. Whatever, check it out and read the "look in side" part. If nothing else, when I read it, it gives an idea of my attitude...............
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  • Posted by 6 years, 8 months ago in reply to this comment.
    It has been said that men's brains are not fully matured until their mid 20's.Humans are a very strange species.
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  • Posted by Dobrien 6 years, 8 months ago
    Congratulations Herb and the BW for 63!
    Last Saturday was our 39th as we are 61 and 60
    We can only hope to live long enough to hit that Mark. My parents just had their 68th and I hope they don't get a 70th year itch.lol
    Hold on tight to the bucking bronco of life go with the flow and accept responsibility for your actions. Adoration helps, in my case as I out kicked my punt coverage, family connection , kindness, consideration , value given and received , strong communication, use your reason. Be your best as a habit to your best friend. Find and develope common interests. Stay thirsty my friend!
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  • Posted by jimjamesjames 6 years, 8 months ago in reply to this comment.
    My thoughts, too. But I've figured, remembering back 60+ years and having worked doing juvenile probation for 15 years, that hormones in the young are the biggest impediment to making rational decisions, they sure were with me (into my 30s!!!)
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  • Posted by 6 years, 8 months ago
    It has ocurred to me that envy is one of the most likely speed bumps on the road of life. The whole idea of keeping up with the Jones' can put a great strain on a marriage.It reminded me of this old limerick.
    There was a lady from Guadaloup,
    Who found a fly in her soup,
    Said the waiter, "Don't shout
    Or wave it about,
    For the others will be wanting one too.".
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  • Posted by 6 years, 8 months ago in reply to this comment.
    I am often puzzled by the relationship between human interactions, between men and women and humans in general. We are so complicated. Emotions get tangled up with rationality and it's a coin toss as to which wins out. But a little knowledge and personal training in Objectivism could go a very long way toward helping.
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  • Posted by 6 years, 8 months ago in reply to this comment.
    It's not in the genes, it's in the philosophy. But a divorce is better than lifelong torture.I wish you better luck next time.
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  • Posted by 6 years, 8 months ago in reply to this comment.
    The longer you stay married, the better you get at it, in our cases.I tend to see a lot of break-ups upon encountering the first bump. They are usually the kind that you or I wouldn't even notice.
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