Hello, Mamaemma,

After reading your post, I ended up wondering whether you were describing an envious person rather than a jealous one.

I copied definitions from Wikipedia:

Jealousy is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection.

Envy (from Latin invidia) is an emotion which "occurs when a person lacks another's superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it".

Which do you think you were facing? Just curious.

Hi, K
If I'd had the "tools" to identify this personality 12 years ago I'd have, conservatively, banked over 750K by now. One decision changed my life forever. As soon as I've cleared this inequitable situation....I"M OUTTA HERE!
Going to take time to write a book.

Wow. Lots og good stuff there kevin. I especially agree about gaining knowledge builds confidence. I also think studying common tactics used by people to control group think is invaluable. I wish I had it all in one article or list so I could refer to it often.

Mamaemma, I can relate.

There are some very miserable people in this world. They are often very deeply upset by something in their own lives (be it their weight, face, something from their childhood, poor financial decisions, etc). Many get through these challenges ok, but some are damaged. I think those are they types you are talking about.

Yes, I've experienced it several times in my life. I've gotten very good at identifying it now. Just in the past week I had a guy I've known for over 20 years put words in my mouth and imply that I said I'd beat my kids. I know why he said it. In his mind, I was winning an argument. We are in different paradigms. What's a mild disagreement to me is a no-holds-barred fight to him. He must win everything because he probably thinks, deep down, that he's a loser. Not my problem anymore. More than anything, it made me sad, not angry. Sad for him.

The internet has been a real boon for cowards and angry people. They can insult and say things they'd never say to somebody's face. I grow tired of some of the stuff I've seen as a result. I think the internet, while I love it, has caused our society to become a lot more callous.

For me...I still love people. Especially children. They aren't f*7cked up yet, usually. But, I keep a very small, very tight group of friends and that's about it. If you're in my circle, I've got your back. If I see any signs of pettiness, you're out. I just no longer have the energy to even get pissed about it - haha...

Great points commander. Here 's a link for everyone on Rand's essay : http://aynrandlexicon.com/ayn-rand-ideas...

Exactly. The evil can't we just all get along. Or my favorite -whatever you do avoid politics.

After spending most of my life being " sensitive" to other people disagreeing with me and avoiding verbal conflict, I realized I got this very bad habit from my parents. It is not the only submissive habit I got from them. It took me a very long time to get past most of the silly " just get along" ideas they imbedded in me. Once I realized how my upbringing had impeded me, me became a new person.

Mama,
based upon my readings of Ayn Rand I decide a long time ago to view these type of attacks the way a duck views water. just let it run down your back and wonder why you are so important to someone that they find it necessary to attack you. after you wonder for a minute or so, just get on with your life.

Look up the clinical definition of sociopath. I think you'll find answers there. Powerless personalities sucking their self-worth and self-esteem from the producers.
I'm in a lawsuit with one....had to file to bring this out publicly and end his "campaign".
I've found that Rand's essay, "The Objectivist's Ethics" is foundational in defining most of the irrational behaviors we see.

I think we all have had our share of crappy people.
Old dino can remember quite a few he wishes he could have nipped their heads off.

You and I could have a great conversation.
I'm a Big Bang Jesus is the door do no harm guy.

I have found that using qualifiers is a habit left over from my past when I could never be sure about anything that I said and if someone became offended I felt that I had to blame myself. It was a way to appease anyone who might disagree with me and avoid confrontation. I mean, who is to say who is right or wrong, right? (right out of an Ayn Rand book) I did hear the words "you just have to be right, don't you" often but it was my own lack of confidence in speaking and in action that led me into situations where I had to defend myself over something I knew but didn't know why I knew or how to defend it properly. Confidence in my knowledge has helped eliminate those situations and/or given me the tools to handle them. My confidence has also helped to remove those people from my life whom I would still have to defend myself from.

I still have to work to avoid using qualifiers when commenting on this site. It's a tough habit to break but I figure if someone on here disagrees with me they will tell me so and we can have that debate. I am either wrong or right but both of us will have to defend our position till we find out. If we can't have that debate then one of us doesn't belong here. Sometimes I still use qualifiers if I am not sure that I fully understand what someone means in their post or comments.

Sorry to hear that your daughter was used that way. It is a cowards tactic. It is a statement to the strength of your character that they are afraid to come at you directly. Hopefully your daughter will come away from it stronger than even her mother.

I feel your anger as I too have gone through the same situation, but now my son is my business partner and we have a terrific relationship.

As Joe Friday said, "just the facts, ma'am." If you stick to the facts, you don't need to add a qualifier; it makes you appear unsure of the facts, and weakens your argument. So, it's not your opinion, it's the facts. If the other person can't handle the truth, then we're done here.

All the time. I often get hit with people who hate religion. To me I wish people would look at religion as merely only one path to one's higher Karma, Deity, whatever. And Religion in and of itself has so many flaws, and people often confuse faith in a higher being with religion. I myself am a devout cradle to grave Anglican. We think of the story of creation as a metaphor for the Big Bang. Science is deeply woven into scripture, if you do not take scripture verbatim in todays world. You have to take in the history of the time that the scripture was written, and then re-apply it's meaning as it would be in todays world. Taking in science is a must in faith. It is a glorious and Integral part of it. And yet I will get blasted by both sides of fence. I take the good with the bad, and say alright then to both. If they agree that's lovely. If not...it's their opinion and they are entitled to it...I just agree to disagree. Either way,,, spewing hatred to someone does not help anyone. As the old saying says "The higher the Monkey climbs the tree the more you see his ass". It always pays to be nice!

Another person's success does not detract from my own.

it just allows others to think they can control you.

Absolutely, but that is assuming he had the normal feelings of a father. But he didn't. I spent a lot of years trying to get his approval and even screwed up my life in some ways. I am very grateful and proud that I finally saw him for what he was, and now have a wonderful family of my own. I learned a lot from him, and if I feel hate toward anyone, he is right up there on my list! He earned it.

We survived and thrived. Over the years we have had some businesses around us close that were competitors of ours. I was always amazed at how many people thought I would be happy when they closed. I always said that I hated to see that happen. Competition keeps you sharp.

Wow. That is hard to believe. He should have been the one who was the proudest of your success.

I bet that most people that found their way here have experienced this.

People that are governed by feelings rather than reason react to others emotionally. It is the way they function.

A substantial fraction of the populace does not like making decisions. Are not equipped to make "good" decisions. And are afraid of both situations that require decisions or decisive action, and react negatively to anyone not suffering those issues.

Jealousy and resentment are the most common negative reactions you get when not impacting them directly. A direct conflict gives you anger as a reaction.

My reaction to these people is pretty simple. First, as a someone that grew up in the deep south politeness was inculcated in me from a young age. So I'm as polite to them as their actions allow me to be.

I have a very short list of people whose opinion actually matters to me. These people without a doubt are not on that list, so the Roark option is the one I exercise when not in a direct encounter with them.

Not only do their opinions not matter to me, I cannot allow them to matter.
If I do allow their feelings to matter, I undermine my own reasoning process.
My responsibility is to myself and those about whom I care, not everyone else.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Self-deprecation. That is exactly what I meant. Pretty stupid isn't it, as if it would make those jealous people like us! :). I have stopped doing it, too.

Rich, I had a former business partner who did his best to destroy me, even calling patients and telling them I was incompetent. I know because the patients told me. He could not stand the thought that I was succeeding without him. And here's the kicker- he was my father.

I used to self-deprecate all of time. I would often start a sentence by apologizing before saying what I thought. It would drive db crazy. One day I just stopped. It has been a liberty I gave back to myself.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5o9jwnM...

I think I have realized that no matter how many qualifiers I use, there are going to be people who hate and are jealous, and those emotions are very strong. Your fathers former partner is a perfect example. It sounds like her hate led her to do illogical things which cost and hurt her as well as you. But hate must be served! You won in the end, but her vindictiveness caused you much disruption I am sure. See, I am not alone.
Isn't it amazing that being successful brings such ire upon us? Whereas I love seeing success in others.